Feeling down and lousy about lots of things….

I have been feeling down and lousy for the past few days. Alot of things in school and at home have contributed to the down feeling. I have been praying to God to help me to control my emotion and allow me to learn from all these experiences. At this point of time I am still rather confused about the recent so many happenings. But I know that the Holy Spirit of God will help me to keep everything in order and allow me to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I really thank Almighty God for giving me good friends around me and they are able to share my sentiments and confusion. I really thank God for their encouragement and their willingness to listen to my problems. Sometimes, a good listening ear is all that we need.
In addition to all these confusions, I am presently serving my LOA. I received the instruction to serve my LOA on Thursday…the day that I was quite confused. BB HQ called me to inform me that someone at the Founder’s Award Presentation Ceremony contacted H1N1 and when I called K*** K*** he said that I have to serve my LOA on Friday and I cannot come back to school until Monday. However, I thank the Lord that I am rather well physically, no fever, no cough and no flu. Its better to be careful then to be regretful later. However this morning I received information that a student’s mum has developed flu like symtoms after attending the above-mentioned event and is not at the hospital waiting to see the doctor. I really pray that she will be alright and of course the rest of the family members. God will watch over us.
These few weeks pressure has been building up, especially with the N Level Prelim approaching and the O Level Prelim. Beginning to feel very worried for my students. I know that I have not been the most hardworking teacher to them but still I really hope that my students will do well for their coming exams and bring glory to God the Father. Time really flies and I can still remember at the beginning of the year when I just took over the class and they were still very sloppy. Today I find them more proactive and they are more serious with their works. Still I am praying that God will watch over each one of them and allow them to perform to the best of their ability.
This week, in the course of talking to my P, I realised something very deep within me. I realised that my calling as a Teacher still matters alot to me. The calling to be a Teacher is so sacred and so personal, and this is more so as a Christian educator. We have additional commitment to our Lord Jesus Christ to be a good rabbi to our students. In fact it is a covenantal commitment. I remembered when a few years ago my calling was marred by a few unfortunate events and incidents, I was really affected. All these years I have been trying to hide the fact that these incidents have affected me. But I was really wrong. As a matter of fact, I am hurt and to a certain extent angry over the fact that my covenantal calling as a Teacher is now tainted and scarred. In alot of ways, I have de-valued teaching as a vocation. I need to re-look at this whole issue again. I don’t know how but I know I need to re-examine my role as a Christian educator. God will have to help me with this.
the gatekeeper07

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