Notes to Four – A Note to DiDi

Dear DiDi,

I think you are the most positive person among the 5 of us here. There’s so much of positive vibes in you and your positiveness can be contagious at times…not all the time…hahaha! You are always so eager to learn new things and always eager to contribute to whatever you are doing. I like those times that we share over “candlelight” and I will keep all those sharing in my heart. Seriously, when it comes to you, I am really stuck as to what I should be writing about you. Or perhaps, I should say that I don’t know where to begin. I really don’t think that anything can happen by chance…that includes us knowing each other and you becoming my DiDi. Although we have only known each other for about a year, but it seems as though we have known each other for pretty long time. Maybe that’s because we see each other almost everyday.

Since the day I know you, I have shared with you a number of things that I don’t normally share with people. I am not sure if you should consider yourself privilege or unlucky…that you have this Kor Kor that keeps sharing things with you. I think one of the things I mentioned to you is that its so hard to be an adult sometimes. Everyday we have to put on a mask that tell people that we are very strong…very gang-ho, when deep inside us, we are longing to be just who we are. Sometimes you can feel so lost in life that you even lost sight of who you are. Especially at night, when you come face to face with yourself, the sense of lostness is even greater and stronger…so strong that it can overpower you so easily. But I have learnt to manage this emotion. So sometimes Kor speaks very weirdly because I can be rather lost. You must forgive Kor, ok? This lostness is good at times…I have learned to see myself clearer and I am more aware of myself each time I am confronted by the same self. Sounds “cheem”  right? I know you always ask me to keep things simple so that you can understand….hehehe…basically what I am saying is this…ops…I think I am lost….hahaha…

I think if I really go to Korat for 3 months you will be the person that I will miss most among the 4 of you. Why? Cos I think we have worked very closely together and we are comrades in our VIA…so I feel very bad to leave you on your own for three months or even more. Secondly, you are my only DiDi…so must take special care of you! And thirdly, I will miss the massage and stepping on one another….hahahaha. I was quite touched when you said you are going to face time me everyday while I am there….really! Thanks for being there for Kor. I am really approaching my 3 months in Korat with a lot of mixed feelings and I hope I can sort out all these mixed feelings very quickly. You must take care of yourself while I am not around cos you always don’t take care of yourself. You always skip your meal and giving so much in your work. Although I know that’s suppose to be good…but don’t run too fast at the beginning of the race….you need to conserve some energy for later on. Important is don’t run ahead of yourself. Keep pace with yourself and finish the race well and steady ok? I don’t want to come back from Korat and you are not at your desk anymore…must at least wait for me to come back before you go anywhere hor…I will face time you everyday….hahaha!

DiDi, you always give me the idea that you have a lot of “xin shi”. Must learn to share it out ok. Don’t always keep things to yourself. I used to be like that but nowadays I have learnt to share with people as well. Of course, I may be wrong about this as well. For JH, I wrote “Come home before winter” for you I will say this: Remember to wear your jacket during winter. I know you are someone who will go through the seasons of life with a lot of positive vibes….be it winter or summer or spring….you will always be there and always wanting to do more for people who you love and care about. But must do this with a lot of care for yourself too. So remember to wear a jacket when winter comes. That should keep you warm and you will be able to walk a longer mile.

Once again, thanks for everything…you really have been very great…and remain like this ok….I want you who you are….hahaha!

the gatekeeper

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