Day 3 to Recovery – Visiting Schools in Korat

Its been extremely difficult to work especially when you have so many things in your mind. I have been struggling the whole day trying to be focused with my work and the many discussions with so many people. I have never been to so many schools in a day and each school, we have to sit down and jot down lots of details. At some point, my mind really couldn’t take it anymore. I heard that Didi is not feeling so well….I am pretty concern and genuinely concern. I hope he can take care of himself and hope he recover very soon. How I wish I am able to chat with the PLC group at the moment! But I know that it is not time yet for me to chat with them for now (typing in tears). How I wish to have someone to listen to my complaints and the struggles that I have today. For some reason, I really miss the PLC group. I have been telling myself that this is not the time to go in. I am not ready to go in yet. I know that I am certainly on the road to recovery but I have three more days to go. I don’t even know if anybody would ever trust me again as a person. This sense of loneliness has caused lots of damage on my part and the part of people whom I really care. I really do not know how to recover this. I have hurt so many people and I really don’t mean to do it at all. I do not have the slightest intention to hurt anyone.

Having said all of these, I know that God is slowly bringing me to recovery. I need to get out of my mental situation before I hurt even more people. I really miss the whole PLC group….my Didi, Shu Shu, JH, Kim and Eleora….(in tears again). I wish that I can still chat with you guys the way before now…can you guys text me….so that I feel that I am existing….

I am very tired…very tired….very tired….very tired…..very tired….

the gatekeeper

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